Deeply flawed and Completely Broken
by Jayne Leigh
Summary: Mary thinks about all the changes that has happened since her Father's death and how well she's adapted to it all until a tragedy chances everything.


**Okay, this is something I worked on while I had writers block. I have not given up on my other stories. They will be updated soon! **

**This is set about a year and a bit after the final and I cannot remember the last time I wrote in first person so I hope it's okay. Please review and let me know what think.**

**Enjoy! **

**Deeply flawed and Broken**

I was once told that I do not handle change well…That I prefer a known situation that is deeply flawed to an unknown situation free of flaws.

Over the last year and a half, I have proven that not only can I handle change but I can embrace it. Since my father died there have been a lot of changes and I can honestly admit I have never been happier.

I think my Dad's death finally forced Jinx to move on. Admittedly, she hadn't been doing too bad before that; giving up drinking and holding down a steady job but now she has found love again, whatever the hell that means…but I don't completely hate Jeff.

Then there was finding out that Brandi was pregnant and had decided to raise the baby alone. My nephew Kyle David Shannon is almost 18 months old now and causes just as much mischief as Brandi did at that age but I love him. Brandi got her own place about a year ago and I do actually miss having the two of them living with Norah and me.

They are here today, sitting five rows behind me…Brandi because she wanted to be here and Kyle because there was no available to babysit since Jinx is sat right beside her. On her other side his Mark. I have no idea why he wanted to come; one side of me appreciates the thought while the other side is annoyed since it meant bringing Norah and I am having trouble concentrating because I can hear my daughter fussing. At almost two years old, she's not content to just sit still and be quiet anymore.

I want to go to her, to seek comfort in comforting her but I can't because there's another upset baby girl in my arms and she needs me more than Norah right now… Eloise Rose…. Ella. Six months old and she's feels tiny in my arms compared to my own daughter. When I glance down at her, I see she has tears in her bright blue eyes as if she knows what day it is but I know she's just confused, scared and missing her Mom and Dad. I bounce her lightly and kiss the top of her head, trying to sooth her but I know she doesn't want me. My mind flashes back to the day she was born…It was nothing like the day Norah was born….There was no gun fights, no run away brides, no premature labor…After six hours, it was all over and Ella-Rose was peacefully settled in her Father's arms and I knew right away, this girl was going to be a Daddy's girl.

"Mary…" Stan whispers in my ear from the seat behind me. "Do you want me to take her?"

I shake my head wordlessly, despite feeling completely useless in comforting Ella; I'm not ready to let her go just yet.

Stan leaving was another thing to get used to. I can count on one hand the amount of people in this world that I completely trust and he is one of them.

I miss him.

There are days when I wish we could go back in time when Stan was my boss and Marshall was my partner…Hell, I even put up with Eleanor being there.

Today is one of those days.

I do know that Stan is happy in DC and I'm glad. I'm happy that he's finally settled down with Lia…He deserves not to be lonely anymore and while I sometimes long for days of the past…there have also been some good times since his leaving.

We're still one the best Wit-Sec offices in the country and yes, it was strange with Marshall being Chief but we've got used to it…We've adapted.

Marshall doesn't go out into the field as much as he used to (or wishes he could) but he goes out more than Stan did. There are some witnesses we still work with together and there are some that I work with Delia but I know not matter what Marshall's still got my back.

He's a good boss…Although, I'm sure people would say he doesn't act like a boss to me and that it's more like the other way around but what they don't realize is that Marshall knows how to handle me. He knows exactly what to say to get me to do what he wants me to do without a problem…Well, most of the time anyway.

Plus they don't know about the night, two months into his new position after I had gone against his orders because I thought he would let me get away with it. He ended up threatening to transfer me to a new office if I couldn't respect him as a Chief…It's one of the few times, I've admitted I was out of line and apologized without prompting. Luckily, we were able to put it behind us straight away and moved on without any other problems. He runs the office a lot like Stan did really…Letting us all do our thing, keeping a watchful eye over us and only stepping in when asked or when needed.

Everything was going so well…everyone was happy. Brandi and Kyle….Jinx and Jeff… Stan and Lia….Norah and me…Marshall and Abigail…

It was only three months ago that they celebrated their first wedding anniversary…A wedding that had been simple, elegant and traditional…everything Marshall.

What has surprised me the most about all the chances; is my relationship with Marshall. I was worried after our conversation on the balcony that day, that we would drift apart after his marriage but in some strange twist, we seem to be closer. I don't depend on him so much anymore and he doesn't feel like he has to be there for me every waking moment but we still spend time together, except now we include others. Since Abigail realized where she stood in Marshall's life…in his heart she was happy. Although I meant what I said to him that day about liking her and liking them together, since then I've actually got to know her better and do enjoy spending time with them.

See? I can handle change…I've accepted it…I've embraced it….I've lived it.

I have a mother who has found a way to make up for Brandi's and mine's childhood by being a great grandmother…. I have a sister who has found the perfect job for her is being a mom…I have a group of friends in Mark, Abigail and Delia instead of just one in Marshall but he still remains the closest person to me….. and I have three kids in my life Norah, Kyle and Ella, I do remember once saying if I ever had three kids I wanted someone to shoot me but I would change them for the world. (I know Kyle and Ella aren't mine but I love them and would do anything for them like they were.)

So, that's been my life and I was happy with it….everyone was happy.

Until one week ago…one late night phone call and a mad drive to the hospital changed everything.

That is the kind of change I cannot cope with.

I can deal with Brandi and Jinx's dramas….I can deal with witnesses situations…I can deal with shoot outs and attempted murders….I can deal with three children all under the age of two….

What I cannot deal with is the man sitting beside me.

His eyes are casted downwards and he hasn't lifted he head once since taking his seat; not even during the emotional, heart wrenching speeches.

I haven't seen him shed a single tear since the news and I've been with him practically all day every day.

I have not heard him speak one word since that phone call, telling me he needed me.

Worst of all, he has not held or looked at his daughter since I took her out of his arms at the hospital that night because she needed comforting and he was in too much shock to do it.

I shift Ella into my other arm and it gives her a clear view of her father. My heart breaks for when she reaches for him and cries a little louder but there is still no movement from him.

So yeah, I can deal with change...Whether it's a known situation deeply flawed or an unknown situation free of flaws...I knew I could because since moving to New Mexico ten years ago, I've always had someone by my side not matter what….

Who do I call when it him that I need to help with?

Today, we are burying Detective Abigail Mann because on her first shift back at work after maternity leave some punk drug dealer chose to make a man a widower and a baby girl motherless.

And Marshall isn't just deeply flawed…He is completely and utterly broken.

And I have no idea what to do.

**xXxXx**

**Okay, this was meant to be just a standalone but considering making a series of it…what do you all think? Please review! **


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